At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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