pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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