So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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