i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
