i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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