I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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