Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
