The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
