You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
