I think i peed on brittanys purse
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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