Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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