I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
