it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
