i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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