I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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