Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
