People in love make me want to vomit
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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