The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
