Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
