The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
