His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
