You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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