Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
