So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This baby is an asshole
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
