yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
