Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He shit in the fireplace
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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