Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
