Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?

Fav 5 1060 2377
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(703): View more from Virginia

i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?

Fav 13 1383 752
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(347): View more from New York

I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot

Fav 4 3635 744
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(830): View more from Texas

Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.

Fav 15 1651 4085
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(740): View more from Ohio

Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.

Fav 6 3852 1385
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(816): View more from Missouri

If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story

Fav 6 1186 1660
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(513): View more from Ohio

Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.

Fav 16 904 2265
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.

Fav 1 57 18
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(813): View more from Florida

You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.

Fav 0 20 4
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