If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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