when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
