Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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