I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
