it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
