Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
God I need to hump something, right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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