I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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