the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
