Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize