you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
