i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
