Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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