A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want nice things and good sex
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
