She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
