got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so thatβs how Syracuse is doing today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize