i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
