Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
