you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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