Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
