I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
