im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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