I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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