he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize