enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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