I feel great
I just peed on a car
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
