my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
