if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
