I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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