You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
