Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
