You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
