YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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