worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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