but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
