The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize