you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need to align my fucking chakras
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
