I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
