Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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