How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
