Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
