I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
