I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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