I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
