i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
