Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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