he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
