butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
