just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
