i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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