I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
