i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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