haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
