did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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