i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
