I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
