i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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