So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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