The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
