Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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