from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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