New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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