I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
