Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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