Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
