ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize