I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
