The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
