what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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