i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
