I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
