I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize