im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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