I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
