it was like his penis was on wheels.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
