I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I checked into jail on foursquare
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
