Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize