the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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