Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
