I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
