I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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